Looking back at my life and all that has tormented me, including sever depression and anxiety, is it shocking to here that my most damaging issue revolved around perfectionism? The desire to do things perfectly is deeply rooted to a belief that we have to earn our worth. It’s the belief we have to prove we are worthy of being loved, of being successful, of belonging. Self worth is vital to fighting against perfectionism.
Last week, I shared the following post on Instagram and was blessed by the number of messages I received:
“Amazing reminder I found in a cute coffee shop in Koh Samui.
Searching for perfectionism has been one of the most devastating journeys of my life. My perfectionist tendencies started really young, growing up acting on stage and yearning for the approval of the audience. I learned to want approval from everyone in my life – teachers, my parents, friends, strangers. It became an obsession that nearly ruined me.
While I was the “perfect student” in school – honors student, in many clubs, body president, etc. – I was also spending nearly every night drinking or smoking to cope with the pressure I put on myself. In college, I worked two full-time jobs while trying to keep up decent grades. I allowed myself to be underpaid, overworked, and I slept for a few hours of sleep every night. Again, I was too obsessed with pleasing everyone else and continued to find unhealthy ways to cope.
When I was married, I did everything in my power to be the “perfect wife.” I read all the blogs, kept the house perfect, kept myself fit, made all the meals, created strict budgets for myself, etc. And yet, my perfectionism just pushed my ex-husband away. It was a major reason for our marriage falling apart.
Perfectionism is bullshit. I have realized that the search for perfectionism is deeply related to a lack in self worth. We have a misguided belief that we will only be worthy (of love, money, etc.) when we are perfect.
We drive ourselves insane with this idea. STOP praising perfectionism. It’s NOT okay.
Instead, let’s praise self worth! This is one of the major themes to my coaching programs. Many of us think worthiness has to be earned. It does not. If you are stuck in this mindset, message me :)”
The number of people who related to my story was amazing, but not all that shocking. In fact, issues relating to self worth and perfectionism are the number one challenge I see with many of my coaching clients and students.
In today’s vlog, I am diving deeper into my story and how we can cultivate the feelings of self worth:
How to Feel Worthy
Remember that worthiness is not something we earn, it is a human right.
“Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.” ? Brené Brown
Steps to feeling more self worth:
For details on each step, check out the video 🙂
- Self Forgiveness – Accept your humanness and forgive your past.
- Rewrite the Story – Notice when you feel unworthy and change the dialogue.
- Accept compliments – Learn how to just say “thank you.”
- Practice Daily – Set reminders to check in and use self worth language.
Learning how to feel worthy is not something that changes overnight, but is a daily practice. The first step is to truly acknowledge everything I said in the video, that worthiness is NOT something that is earned, but it is your right.
Stop chasing perfectionism.
You are worthy. Period. End of story.
As mentioned in the video, stay tuned for our upcoming Self Love Challenge and our course. We will be giving away some spots to our amazing, life changing 8-week course and I would love to see you in there.
Do you have a perfectionism story? Please share below. Comment your opinions and share the love!